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TIGER SHEEP WRIT OF LAW

Collected here are excerpts from an ancient liturgical text depicting some archaic civilization, and events that occurred. Though no dates can correlate these events to historical canon, the data drives they were found on have been dated back at least forty thousand years.

Significant Figures

  • The Great Employer
  • The Hearthmother
  • Sorcerer Stevarius
  • Mattatron, The Artificer
  • The Warmaster
  • Scribe Kmentalon, Dreadlord of the Dalles, Ice Queen
  • Scribe Daviduros, Metatron of the Memes
  • Scribe Kylenius
  • Scribe Corinthus
  • Scribe Michaylus
  • Priest Sethremor
  • Priest Leeshandra

Insignificant Figures

  • Apprentice Courth
  • Apprentice Laurenton
  • Jonaccus, the Junior
  • Merchant-Prophet Austinon
  • Merchant-Prophet Justicus
  • Priest Victorion
  • Scribe Nathranum
  • Scribe Tinarberon, the Cynic

EXCERPTS from the BOOK OF STEVARIUS

STE 8.14 Thus was borne unto the lands of The Great Employer a star from the East, named Stevarius, who burned of deep rage and fervor untold for having been plucked from the heavens.

STE 8.15 And from it, The Great Employer formed the Sorceror Stevarius in His own image.

STE 8.16 And to this Sorceror he assigned the duties of stewardship over His lands, seeing the works thereof cooling the rage within him.

STE 8.17 Of this, He said "One day, I shall bring many attendants to this land, that their work may further calm you, that your rage may be used as a tool to glorify My kingdom!"

STE 14.1 For lo, he said unto them: "Yea, give unto him a small heath blizzard, or with a topping of​ his choosing, he who solveth the riddle, he who fixeth the broken, he who was wronged by you, and he who has had it rough."

STE 14.2 "But only those small blizzards will be given that which are flavored of vanilla. And he who recieveth it will find it topped in the crumbles of Heath, unless the giver has seen it in his heart to bestow that choice unto​ him who receiveth it."

STE 177.2 Just at that time, the Sorceror Stevarius had stood upon the plateau and viewed the barbaric hordes about and below. React had permeated their works, but not their hearts. He saw from them a confusion.

STE 177.3 To them he descended, bringing with him his message to ease their burdens. To them that gathered, he spake thus:

STE 177.4 "In service of Him that employs us, I come to you. I see among you strife in the face of React, and I deliver unto you that which is mine own knowledge. The great sorceror's spell node-sass-chokidar shall be said amongst you, and you shall know it as the Way from brazen semi-colonry and barbaric bracketry!"

EXCERPT from the BOOK OF KMENTALON

KME 36.4 That day, his words to them were thus: "As you have addressed them as butts, so I say unto you, this, my judgement: All are butts who are not otherwise proven!"

KME 92.2 It was then that the scribe Kmentalon, of The Wretched Dalles, offered this, his wisdom, to the WARMASTER:

KME 92.3 "Nay! Changeth not thy font, O WARMASTER, for thy message is not one of comfort, nor of joy."

KME 92.4 "Let he who cannot read the WORD himself deal with it!"

KME 92.5 In that instant, the WARMASTER knew the wisdom of it which had been said to him, and replied "Brutal, O son." And that day, no font was changed, nor would ever change unto eternity.

KME 133.4 They came unto the river Farmington and sat to rest. To the Scribe Kmentalon, the WARMASTER spake: "Such works tire, though glory followeth soon after. Shall we rest on these banks?"

KME 133.5 Kmentalon, who knew of wild magics, said nothing but raised his hands to cast an eldritch spell. His hands did dance, and in their ancient tongue told a tale of travel, of crossing great distance, and of promise.

KME 133.6 From his trance he spoke: "Look there, O WARMASTER, for thee will find greater succor ahead."

KME 133.7 To his surprise, there among the distant reeds now rose the Plaid Pantry where none had been before. Of this, the WARMASTER said: "I see a miracle brought before me by thy ancient magic. Let us go and find sustenance, and having eaten of its bounty, return to our toils refreshed!"

EXCERPTS from the BOOK OF TRIALS

TRI 113.7 For months the foreign war did wage, and soon its grasp came to them who camped with the WARMASTER. It was then that the scribe Tinarberon spake thusly:

TRI 113.8 "Let it be known that I, Scribe Tinarberon the Cynic, place my confidence in he of the battle who is named Asif, for he is the true victim of the foul Mudasir's treachery."

TRI 113.9 This exclamation brought uproarius fighting between them. They who stood with Salman, and those with Mudasir, attacked those of the Asif collective, and all attacked eachother.

TRI 113.10 It was then that Daviduros, Metatron of the Memes, vital enemy of the scribe Tinarberon, also spake:

TRI 113.11 "I, too, see the wisdom in the Lord Asif's doings. In this, I join with Tinarberon!"

TRI 113.12 At this, the Cynic Tinarberon exclaimed, "We at last agree, my enemy, on this, the actions of Asif, and against him who sides with the fool Mudasir!" And they rejoiced in their agreement.

TRI 113.13 Though this harmony did not last, it is recorded in the histories that two enemies such as these may find peace in the fire of hatred, and this lesson beheld to all.

TRI 620.1 In His wisdom, the Great Employer of the Universe, the Boss of Bosses, the Mighty Architect of the Database, also called Boss, saw weakness within them. He treated them thusly:

TRI 620.2 From the crafty sorcerer Stevarius, He requested the ancient shield, called Courage. From the WARMASTER, he commanded of him to deliver the divine sword, named Justice.

TRI 620.3 Thus garbed, He descended upon His priests on wings of shimmering Disappointment. To His priests, his mighty voice did call:

TRI 620.4 "I have come to you, who are My priests, wielding the sword of Justice and the shield, which is called Courage, to find and destroy weakness among you!"

TRI 620.5 From amongst them, He drew the youngest. And said these words: "You who I have brought forth, unto thee I must lay the wrath of this sword."

TRI 620.6 Though fearsome in appearance, His countenance showed sadness of it. Further, He declared: "As thee have been hired for priestly duties, I find thee lacking thereof! It is because of this that I must banish thee from my camp!"

TRI 620.7 As commanded, the young priest was banished from that place.

TRI 620.8 Then He, Master of His People, gazed upon their faces, those who He employed, and saw a mixture of emotions. To them, He now spake:

TRI 620.9 "Be ye not happy, nor sad, in this moment. Know that We are family, who hath lost a sibling. See ye not a scorned child, nor a vanquished foe. Instead, look upon him favorably, for even in his banishment, he is of Us."

TRI 620.10 "Remember him, who every day sought your friendship, who toiled beside you in My care. Worry not, for his journey was ordained to begin with Us, not to end with Us."

TRI 620.11 And with those wise words, His fearsome visage faded into one of tranquility once more, and all returned to their divine work.